Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
