So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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