I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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