It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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