kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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