I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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