Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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