Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
