it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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