I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
