I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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