Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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