At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just high enough for therapy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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