They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
