I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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