and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
