Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
