So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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