I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
