I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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