you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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