I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
