She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
