i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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