Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i black out too much to be "responsible"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
