Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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