Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
