he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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