man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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