I should be sponsored by Trojan
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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