Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
