I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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