Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
