I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
