I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it glows. i had to have it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
