I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
