Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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