Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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