from now on my penis is your penis
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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