when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
