Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
