North Korea, Best Korea!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
