How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
