My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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