Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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