I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
