I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
