it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
