I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
