the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im holly from the hills drunk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
