I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
