So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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