I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
