she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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