im about as happy as oj after his trial
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
