I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
