not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
