You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
that may or may not have been my penis.
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