The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
